okkays,
im sorry, so im in the wrong.
i shouldnt be so demanding,
because we are still FRIENDS.
so i can only treat you as a friend huh?
and not something else...
perhaps by doing so, i wont be so demanding then.
didnt have much appetite today
feel like vomiting in the morning,
freezing in class.
giddyness-**
im not feeling well larhs.
perhaps of the things that happened yesterday bahh.
something i really cant believe is that, u ask me to msg someone else.
poof~~
i dun wna talk abt it.
actually dun wna eat,
nic force me to. =/
and i was on the verge of tears now and then
den nic is gna wack me if i cry.
so i didnt cry.
the tears really blurred my vision.
why did melanie take my seat today,
or i would be seating with him lerhs.
but who cares anyway?
he wouldnt care anyway,
and true, we didnt talk,
except that he help me open my bottle of pink dolphin.
i wanted to cry, asked nicholas,
wouldnt it be better if i just cry once and for all?
den he was like, cannot, later you cry for days.
so i was like, later i will be seeing him, im afraid i cant control my tears.
den he say, den u cry let him see lorhs,
let him noe you got cry for him.
so i was like, dun be crazy.
i wont.
so i sat real far away.
away from him.
listened to shanti's preaching.
and those tears were at the brim of my eyes again.
"zhaojie! you cannot cry. you've gotta be strong"
and so, i didnt cry again.
hey, i didnt noe i would fall in so deep.
cause i've never felt this excruciating pain before.
it's really hurting.
i hit my heart real hard today.
and i felt better.
nicholas grab my hands and ask me not to be crazy.
but it really hurts.
can you understand, the pain your words can actually give?
but i still want your love,
i cant imagine what would i do if you say u like me no more.
perhaps i might just faint on the spot,
goes into a coma,
and never wake up.
so i would treat it as i never hear it and at least i could delude myself.
at least i can stop at that time when u like me still.
perhaps, i would be happier!
im so sorry for not being understanding.
im sorry:) it's the first time im doing this,
and im clueless abt it.
now siying is god damn happy luhhs.
her moonlight tell her that his phone kana confiscated
and will call her later.
you see, even siying is so happy now.
why whenever im sad, she is happy.
when she's sad, im happy.
i think i should be happy that he likes me too now.
cause siying cant even get that priviledge
to say those 3 words to moonlight.
so im lucky huh?
yepp, i am.
hees, thanks anyway!
the pictures that we had when we were in kfc!
guangliang is so cute luhhs!
Monday, April 23, 2007
8:36 PM
爱上一个没有情绪感的人
hais,
he's like not romantic de lorhs.
i noe i cannot complain too much,
but it's like,
his prepaid----> left with $20++
[[need to use till end of may]]
he dun like to chat on the phone.
and he dun feel like going on msn.
ok, so tell me...
how are we going to cont communicating like that.
aargh-
i cant believe it.
and he actually ask me to msg someone else.
arent you going to be jealous or something?
hey mister, someone you like here is going to msg someone else instead of you,
aint you going to be jealous?
not at all?
good grief.
and you said you like me got a few months lerh.
cant even believe it lorhs...
cause your actions seems like you just started liking me,
only like a few minutes earlier.
that kinda, bo chup bo chup ones....
and for your info.
somone just ask me for stead again.
so now,
im really thinking, should i be happy or sad?
because someone appreciated me.
while him? i love him so and he dun appreciate it at all.
im just asking for some sense of security
i want to be more loved by you?
is it that hard to be fulfilled?
because it's like im experiencing something worse than long distance relationship now.
and sometimes i really feel that you shouldnt tell me you love me in the first place
i rather to still hope and wish that someday you will love me and treat me better.
than now, knowing that you love me but u still treat me normally.
i'd already given in.
am i still that demanding?
8:35 PM
and this is my lunch on this cold cold day!
yummy luhhs:)
love it.
hey people,
i have a sweet tooth.
raining heavily today...
and you see,
Sunday, April 22, 2007
6:47 PM
lalalalas~
im looking for blogskins:)
cant find any to my liking yet
:(:(:(:(:(
poofs**
i've not study for midyear yet.
not even alittle...
oh god, i think i better start fast.
or i would be in panel =/
scared...
I MISS YOU!
veryveryvery much luhhs!
Saturday, April 21, 2007
4:07 PM
went to do cip today...
meet up with ah ben first before going
den we reach at 7.44am
kinda heng, cause sean says if ah ben late, which is 7.45
he will wack him.
so count ourself lucky bahs.
den on the bus i saw yong cheng running to catch the bus
funny luhhs
collect many stuffs today!
:):)
will upload the pictures when im free bahhs!
and verisia is like using n95 luhhs!!
**stunned.
she bought it for $1288 lorhs.
hees.
ah ben pei me go home...
den we went to eat prata! :)
reach home, and im bored luhhs.
thought can at least go out with him.
but he go out with friends...
so nvrmind bahhs. :)
i dun mind larhs.
den his phone no money
and he dun like to talk on the phone:(
and sorry is what he can only say.
cant you be at least sweeter?
sometimes i really wonder
were those words you said true.
i tried to believe but i cant.
i cant feel the sense of security.
i feel like im losing you...
and im afraid.
because, i cant even feel the slightest love.
Friday, April 20, 2007
8:04 PM
hais,
gna flung maths test and higher chinese test le larhhs
hais sadness
very sian luhs.
aargh-
**screams.
im sorry for rejecting you that harshly that night.
i didnt meant too.
but i cant help it,
because i really love him.
but his phone no money lerrhs.
and im going to be like so bored can.
hais!
i will miss u like crazy luhhs! :(
i ate fish.
and the bone stuck in my tongue!
ouch...
very pain nehs.
suaysuay day luhhs!
aargh-
sleep sleep pigg
6:52 PM
boring day lorhs.
saw this boy when i was on my way in my mum's car to bring my bro home.
he's like so lazy larhs
waiting for traffic light also must sit down...
hais!
so went home...
mummy cook something real nice:)
i took out my book
im suppose to revise lorhs
den i see the book
it seems like hynotizing me luhhs
den i slept
till five plus.
pro bahs? hais...
and now im missing him =X
hees.
im veryveryvery happy luhhs.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
5:31 PM
:):):) smiles!
although he haven ask me for stead yet:(
but!!! most importantly,
i finally noe it isnt unrequited love
我终于可以光明正大的爱你了
im super duper happy luhhs!
i was like smiling when i sleep lorhs
hahas.
woke up in the morning,
den suddenly remembered that i didnt eat my dinner.
cause my stomach is growling.
and i seriously feel like puking.
den i went to change.
brought oreo and honeystars to school today!
hees, show you some pictures of my brother
cute right? hees, i think so too. big eyes, small nose small mouth, simply a girl larhs
credits, to me!!!
pretty right!!! hees. he is like 12 this year larhhs. cute boy:)
hees, accompanied nic to buy birthday present for weihua
and i went to buy calculator for myself...
hees. nicholas says im lucky today:)
i smsed him to ask whether he wna tag along
but he didnt reply:(
so we bought one of this glass bottles.
and one of it is spoilt.
you see------>
lucky we checked.
my legs are aching luhhs! aargh.
wo ai ni
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
9:07 PM
yeah!
im happy:):):)
lalas,
he says he likes me!!!
oh god.
i cant believe it, come on man...
tell me im not dreaming
okays, im slapping myself.
and oh god,
finally, after 206 days!!!
he likes me!!!
tell me im not dreaming please???
im happy happy happy!
9.04 pm, 18 april :)
woots!
7:33 PM
passed my hp to ian early in the morning today again
and pass yihui his unicorn shirt:) hahas.
lessons were kinda boring though..
especially that mr ong[[bio teacher]]
he looks like a tiko peh larhhs!!!
and he has tons of gel on his hair,
i think even tornado, hurricane or typhoon come,
his hair would still be intact lorhs.
kaes, i noe im exaggerating luhhs.
heard from dongfang,
she said that
that bio teacher keep looking at jacqueline's leg larhs!
ohmy...
i cant believe it!!! uh-oh,
tikopeh in school, gotta beware!
hais,
fam lesson, nag and nag again
i got listen in class le lorhs
still always call my name.
aargh!!!
and his lessons makes me sleep larhs.
**yawns.
lucky my honeystars were there to perk me up
hees.
siying and nicholas were lucky too!
i gave them oreo:)
so someone asked me for stead last night..
dun guess who is it,
you will never guess it.
even if you do so you would be like
"oh no!!! are u sure?? i cant believe it"
that kinda expression lorhhs.
i cant believe it either,
i thought he was joking in the first place.
and i told HIM about this
and he just says "oh..."
hais, he never cared.
so i asked some questions like,
if i like you will you like me back?
and his replies are standard.
"eh.. duno leis.. haha"
lame right?
i noe. -.-"
oh god:(
why is it always like this?
the person that you like will never ask you for stead
instead it's always those that you dun fancy at all.
or rather just friends?
is heaven making fun on me?
perhaps? yupp...
okay,
im doing maths homework now.
miracle. i knew it too.
and im seriously waiting for your message
but it's always not yours.
it always beeps, but it's always someone else.
i ask nicholas today,
is that person being loved by me fortunate or just plain unlucky?
and he says,
"you rejected more than twenty guys in our school already"
what do you think?
i was like, i duno...
so he says, LUCKY larhs, dumb!
and i was like, i dont think he finds himself lucky
i think he finds it UNLUCKY more than fortunate luhhs.
sad:(
cause i think im more than just a nuisance to him.
and noth else.
and oh god can someone help me to reject him?
he is my friend:)
and if i just say, hey i dun like you, i wont be your stead.
is it too harsh?
or hey, erm... i have someone else in mind, i cant accept you right now?
nono, that sounds bitchy to me.
oh no, help me...
i think i just lost my straightforwardness.
will his feelings fade as time pass?
hopes so...
hais
Sunday, April 15, 2007
9:44 PM
im suppose to have forgotten u a long time ago.
i should have already forgotten you
i thought i had already moved on.
but why did you pull me back to the day we went for the movie together again?
that dated three years back.
you started the conversation like that,
blue is him and white is me
"hey you free"
"what?"
"later 830pm got one show"
"what show"
"新警察故事"
"familiar?"
"ya... why?"
"that's the show we watched together"
"oh, you still remembered"
"of course la, i not so bad de"
"haha"
"so you going to watch ma?"
"ya, you leis"
"maybe not..."
"why"
"i dun wna recall of some stuffs i took so long with great efforts to forget"
"oh, sad... why?"
and i didnt reply, our conversation ended just now like that.
partially because no internet connection.
lucky no internet connection,
because i duno how to answer him anyways.
♥jordan, i will forget you:)
i tried so hard, to forget you,
but when i thought i had forgotten you
you just made me remember you again.
why cant i just forget you?
perhaps you were my first love.
perhaps i'd been deluding myself all this while.
hees.♥
5:26 PM
I LOVE YOU!!!♥
hees,
12o4o7
i remember it for life!
lalalas~
hey baby,
i love you so much!!!
although this is a day
that i love him for 2oo days.
will i be able to forget him??
this is a question i've been wanting to ask myself for so long.
perhaps not, because i cant bring myself to forget those times we had.
maybe you had already forgotten it a long time ago.
but to me, it will be etched in my heart forever.
forgetful:(
Friday, April 13, 2007
2:03 PM
hais,
the funniest things happened today:(
siying and i went to prata house,
i ate 2 plain and egg prata and drank milo dinosaur
she ate one egg and onion and cheese prata and 2 milo dinosaur,
so we are suppose to pay 9.90
so we talked and talked.
about my starlight and her moonlight.
we sat there for like damn long
den we just walk off,
we walked to my house playground den we chat chat.
after awhile i was thinking
why didnt i touch my wallet
so i asked siying, "hey did we pay"
den she was like "pay le ma, haven meh"
and i was like "i like never touch my wallet leis"
den we stared at each other.
" oh no!!! we never pay!!!"
so we were like,
should we go back and pay???
we were afraid that they will scold us.
but conscience got the better of us
and so we went, to turn ourself in.
we didn't do it on purpose kaes?
so we were like so afraid.
we were already imagining them ranting and raving expletives at us
shaking their heads too... hais.
so we pluck up our courage and went back.
so we went back, they didnt scold us, phew!!!
they said the only description of us were two yellow people
den they sent ppl to look for us...
so when i was almost home i realised that siying's book with me
so i walk that super long route like erm,
4 TIMES LARHS!!!
haiis,
den siying said all thanks to my starlight and her moonlight
that gave us so many troubles.
yuppyupp
so we agreed unanimously larhs.
hees.
201 days le leis.
and still nothing happened.
so jealous of siying sometimes.
:(:(:(:(:(:(
^^v thanks dumb dumb
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
7:16 PM
im not feeling well today:(
haiis, im tired.
watched movie last night till eleven plus..
yawnns**
tomorrow's sport's day, and i would be bored.
siying is a lucky girl now,
her moonlight just message her and talk to her.
minyi and i are like jealous :(
aargh, im going to be a 孤独老人 le larhs...
sadness:(:(:(
mine is still nowhere to be found arhs =
sad case...
poof--
but when i wanted you to console me,
u arent the one,
instead you made me more pissed.
aaarghh--.
lucky dumb dumb was asking me to chill.
woots... lucky dumb dumb appeared at this time.
all i wanted was you just to ask whether am i alright.
am i feeling better, but does all this kills?
perhaps for you, everything is different.
perhaps for you, im not even worth your care.
anyways, thanks dumb dumb :) ^^v
during shanti lesson
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
6:14 PM
this is what i wrote during that BORING shanti lesson
this explains will i failed combine humanities :(
sitting in the class and still thinking
it's just two more days.
and it's 200.
i'd always waited.
waited for your arrival
waited for your acknowledgement
and waited for your love.
my heart is palpitating
i can stand this feeling no longer
but i cant give up just like that
the times we had, the memories we shared.
what are they to you?
nothing perhaps, because you just wouldnt care.
am i dreaming? because it seems like i am.
and what were those hopes for?
i just cant understand.
Monday, April 09, 2007
6:07 PM
my sis and her boyfriend:) sweet!
ohwells, didnt blog for kinda long time.
co gets GOLD for syf!!!
hees. im happy:)
ohwells,
went to marina bay for steamboat.
and blablabla...
watch them play pool and took lotsa pics!!!
anna and i
yuxi and i
hahas, yuxi look so cute:)
jiemeis for life
yuxi and i again!!! im tall:)
chee chiang and i hees.
shi heng and i
david, my super cute senior and i
chee chiang and i again:)
me, at my house:)
yuki and i
anna an i
wenjie[[joker of the day]] and i
anna and i
yays, grp foto:)
zhiwen and i
weitong and wenjie act emo
zhiwen and i again
wenjie yuenchung and i
yuenchung and i
weitong and i :)
their spastic looks
zhiwen again? aargh, furfur, dun kill me
anna and i:)
♥KARYL!
big bahh! hahas, she's pretty!
we hate strawberries!!! grr.
we are going to bite you!!! hahas.
aarghh- sour**
tadarrr~~ half eaten strawberry:)
